the very next day, you gave it away

i lost count of how many times i tried to convince myself i was done trying. and after all this time, i still believe i ain't done trying. question is.. what is it that keeps me wanting to try over and over? what we had was special to me, really special. it'll be something i'll never forget and will always be on top of my memories but.. lately, i've ruined it all. not only good memories but good friends, good moments, good feelings. after all this, i can't help but feel like a faillure. yes, it is true..

things have changed for me big time. i didn't know it at the time but everything was perfect. i had perfect friends, i had perfect school marks, once had a boyfriend who made me so happy, then i had this gorgeous boy who fell in love with me and, at end of the day, i had to ruin it all.
this gorgeous boy eventually turned out to be my best friend in the world and i loved him so much. actually, i loved him more than i knew so far. now, i ended up loosing him and loosing most of the people..
now i just find myself wondering, what is there to do?