right till the end

Another year has passed and I'm sitting down to write my new year's resolutions. It's just great to look back and think about everything you've done throughout the whole year. I must say this wasn't a great year for me.. 09 was much better, so far. But now I'm focused on being happy, healthy and believe in myself! I'm gonna make a hell out of this year and in the end, when I look back, I'll think "I rocked this year's ass!!". So yeah, 2011: GIVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT!

New year's list (2011):
- Smile a lot more. Life's good and there's no reason to frown!
- Be way more organized and neat
- Don't give up! You're a wild heart and nothing can put you down
- Drink a lot more water and healthy food
- Get in shape and stay in shape. Work out much more.
- Raise my self-esteem and self-confidence
- Don't think too much
- Make the best out of my summer vacations!
- More money for me, for my family and, most of all, my mom.
- Dress pretty and look fresh :)
- PARTY HARD
- Take singing lessons and learn how to breathe properly while singing
- Laugh. Laugh all the time.
- BE HAPPY
and most of all,
- SHOOT FOR THE MOON and TRAVEL TO THE HEART OF THE FINAL FRONTIER

So now that everything's written down and settled, I'll get ready to own this new year's eve and own this entire year.

Never, ever, forget that Friends Will Be Friends and The Show Must Go On!! :)

And with a fake teardrop in the corner of my eye and a huge smile in my face, I say goodbye to you, 2010. It was nice meeting you and you taught me so much!! But now it's time for me to move on, move on to better things, with all the knowledge and good friends you gave me.
See you never,
Maria xx

outsider

how does it feel to be an outsider?

i've never been quite an outsider myself, at least.. i thought i haven't. turns out that i stand outside each and every time lately.
i know i screwed up with everyone and i wish i didn't, but i know i just gotta eat it up and deal with it.

karma's a bitch, baby. we know it.

going back on time

there are choices that i've made so far and that i regret. truth be told, there are many choices i wish i didn't do looking back on time and on what happened.

moving out of town, it was my idea, and i couldn't image if it would've been another way. because i'm a tough cookie and i know it wouldn't have been easy. i learned so much!! i learned on how to behave, i learned to be less shy, i learned a whole bunch of new things.. i tasted freedom every single day. i learned to dress better, to look better. i had the opportunity to meet wonderful people.. but still, i don't know if i made the right choice.

whether i admit it or not, i feel lonely in coimbra. i don't get intimate with anyone.. i miss saying 'i love you' to my friends and hug them. i miss coffee with my girls, every single break. i miss all of us, together.
here i would stand out of the crowd just for being who i was, i was the pretty girl. in coimbra, i just feel like a regular girl.. someone that goes unoticed forever. that's the problem with big cities, i guess. dressing pretty or not, i feel the same. i won't make someone jealous of my pretty clothes because guess what? there's people dressing better, looking better and that people notice better.
here i'd be different now.. i'd be so much more happy.

or maybe.. i wouldn't. things are so different now. it's not only the class that has changed, the people have changed too. and people's feelings have changed even more. maybe, if i was here, i'd be destroying my most precious memories from 9th grade.. and i believe that those will always remain as the best memories!
if things were the way they were back in my 9th grade, i'd be so happy here. i'd have a perfect boyfriend, i'd have very good friends, i'd be the pretty girl around, the popular one who everyone loves but right now.. i'm just the wierd kid, in a foreign town, which i don't consider that mine anymore.

life goes on.

the very next day, you gave it away

i lost count of how many times i tried to convince myself i was done trying. and after all this time, i still believe i ain't done trying. question is.. what is it that keeps me wanting to try over and over? what we had was special to me, really special. it'll be something i'll never forget and will always be on top of my memories but.. lately, i've ruined it all. not only good memories but good friends, good moments, good feelings. after all this, i can't help but feel like a faillure. yes, it is true..

things have changed for me big time. i didn't know it at the time but everything was perfect. i had perfect friends, i had perfect school marks, once had a boyfriend who made me so happy, then i had this gorgeous boy who fell in love with me and, at end of the day, i had to ruin it all.
this gorgeous boy eventually turned out to be my best friend in the world and i loved him so much. actually, i loved him more than i knew so far. now, i ended up loosing him and loosing most of the people..
now i just find myself wondering, what is there to do?

we're never alone

and i keep dreaming of the days, the nights i'll spend with you. the never ending afternoons, watching movies on the couch, and just remember what's it like to be in a dream with you, again.

am I fixed?

Já faz tanto tempo que, de facto, senti alguma coisa. Faz mesmo muito tempo. Acredito que tenha esquecido com o tempo como era sentir calor por dentro, the warmth. Foi preciso ainda mais tempo para perceber tudo, processar a informaçao e no fim, entender que toda a viagem valeu a pena. Valeu a pena as lágrimas, os sorrisos falsos, toda a raiva e negação. Porque? Faz parte daquilo que sou, daquilo que estou a descobrir ser. E acredito que nunca estive tao certa daquilo que quero.

DO EVERYTHING PASSIONATELY

How many special people change?

Once upon a time.. It was perfect.

Champagne supernova

Tenho saudades de todos os momentos, conversas, sorrisos.. De nós, de tudo o que aconteceu. Era qualquer coisa nossa, nao era? Minha, tua.
Afinal, quando é que tudo acabou? Quando é que deixámos tudo acabar?

Nothing lasts forever and we both know hearts can change

Tenho saudades tuas. Quero contar-te o que fiz, o que nao fiz, o que aconteceu, o que podia ter acontecido.. Quero que gozes comigo, que me digas que faço sempre porcaria e que estrago tudo, de uma maneira ou de outra. Quero que me ligues às 03h00 da manhã para me contares aquilo que se passa contigo, para ouvir as melhores e as piores canções contigo. Quero as gargalhadas, as lágrimas, as tristezas e todas as histórias, minhas e tuas.

Gosto tanto de ti. Quando fiz as maiores asneiras, quando cometi os piores erros, nao saiste de ao pé de mim. Ficaste lá, para mim. É por isso que somos irmãos, sabes? Não importa o que aconteça, estamos lá, um para o outro. Mas a verdade é que as coisas agora estão diferentes, nao somos só nós os dois. Há mais alguém. E sei que esse alguém te faz feliz, te faz viver - rir, chorar, amar, odiar..

Esse alguém podia ter sido eu. Podiamos ser nós, eu e tu, agora. Mas escolhi outro caminho e certamente nao me arrependo da minha escolha, porque o que criámos a partir daí foi tão bom, tão forte. É o melhor de mim e agarro-me tanto a isso..

Estou sozinha agora. Nao me dás uma palavra ao tempo suficiente para doer a sério cá dentro.



Nao tens saudades minhas, nossas?

It's hard to get by just upon a smile

Não quero esquecer tudo o que se passou, quero guardar-te para mim. Só para mim. Quero lembrar-me de ti como o melhor que já tive. Mas a verdade é que nunca foste verdadeiramente meu, nunca te tive só para mim. Sonhava sobre aquilo que tinhamos, e elevava as expectativas ao máximo. Era inocente, era ingénua. Mas o que importava isso quando voltava para casa e era a pessoa mais feliz do mundo?
Eras tu, era a sério.